well i may be bruised but i still taste sweet

Yep- scheduled post again! I went ahead & set this up for today just in case I’m on pain killers and semi-unconscious today. And if I’m not? Well, I can just not worry about the blog today. Enjoy!

Ever hear of a mid-life crisis? You know the story- man, in his late 40s/early 50s, suddenly buys candy apple red Porsche convertible. Or divorces his wife and takes up with a barely-legal stripper.

Ever heard of a quarter-life crisis? This story involves a young adult who has perhaps graduated from college, perhaps not. But this person doesn’t know what to do with his or her life.

Folks, I am there. I am having a quarter-life crisis. And I don’t freaking know what to do. This has been in effect since, like, 2006:

2006/2008: I reluctantly start college in 2006 {I wanted to take time off, enjoy no school for a year, and think. I ended up with a scholarship, though, and sort of HAD to attend.} I attended for 2 years before I felt that I was on the wrong path. I switched majors every semester, took classes that I hated, and partied all the time. I lived on campus. It was my first time out of my parent’s house. I didn’t party in high school.

2009/2010: I took time off from school to work and think about my options. I went back to college, moved to the city (in my own house with a roommate, then my own 1 bedroom apartment with my BEST friend beside me), then dropped out. I was a nutritions major and Vegan. I was completely bored. I moved back to my parent’s house because my job got cut and I couldn’t find anything else in said city.

2010/2011: Still not back in school. Working 4 {very} part-time jobs. Moved back to same city college was in. Stayed there a month, wasn’t happy, moved back home to quit said jobs and find something better. End up wasting the summer away by the ymca’s pool. Glorious tan. Land super awesome job at child care center who does GREAT things for the community. Go back to school. Friend at work needs roommate. Move to her house, in next city over. Commute. Meet boy. HATE job. HATE school. LOVE boy. Quit school. Fall and break ankle. Move back to parent’s house, as it is a one story no steps house.

I will be moving in with the boy sometime in March, and it’s in another city {just 30 mins away}. I’m not sure what to do now. I’m still not clear to go back to work, and won’t be probably until April {but still completely unknown when}, so I can’t start looking now. I mean, who’s going to hire me and wait for me until April? Nobody- that’s who! I don’t want to stay at my current child care job. I hate it there, and the kids are horrible. There’s too much gossip and back stabbing for my taste. Don’t get me wrong. I know anywhere you work, you have that stuff. But it’s seriously like nobody is actually friends there. They all talk behind EVERYONE’S backs. I just don’t want to be apart of that.

Not to mention my commute if I were to stay there. It’s about a 30 minute drive, which isn’t bad at all. But when you’re working for minimum wage? Yeah. Not worth it. Even the boy wants me to look for a job in his town. I’m so excited- I would LOVE to get back in retail, but that brings up another problem… availability. I have no other commitments or restrictions, so I can work pretty much anytime. But the boy’s job lets him off work at 3. And he has weekends off. I’d like to have {most} nights & weekends off to spend time with him. I couldn’t do that working in a retail setting.

I could work at his place, but they work on cell phones, and I just don’t think that I could do the same job every day and be happy. I know myself. Yes, it’s definite full time, and more than minimum wage, but it’s also in my town {again, 30 minutes away from where we will be living}. We could carpool if I work the same or close hours. But I won’t be happy doing the same thing every day. I need an active, busy job.

So I am stuck in limbo right now, just trying to decide what I should do. I can do nothing now. I can’t quit my job, I can’t apply elsewhere. I can only think. Make lists. Worry. Stress.

I also want this job to be a career- not just a ‘job’. I want to stick with it for a while. I want it to be challenging. And important. I’m hoping to go back to school in January, but we’ll see about that. The boy said that when I do go back to school, he only wants me to work enough hours to pay my bills. I have such a fantastic honey! But I think that will still require a 40-hour-a-week job. Le sigh.

Have any of you ever been through anything like this? I could really use some advice or suggestions, if anyone has anything. I just feel stuck, but I won’t feel this way long, once I can be active and moving again. Here’s hoping this move will be exactly the motivation I need to get out of my quart-life crisis!

title song: “Bad Apple” by David Wilcox

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